being known for making a thing is neat but somehow people feel compelled to bring it up on literally everything else i say or do ie. “thank you for sharing your favorite books, i’m sure Chuck Tingle plays cookie clicker avidly” or “nice nudes! haha i bet there’s cookies in there”
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If you go down in the woods today,
You’re sure of a big surprise!
If you go down in the woods today,
You’d better go in disguise!
For every bear that ever there was,
Will gather there for certain because,
Today’s the day that Teddy Bears have their picnic!
Every Teddy Bear who’s been good is sure of a treat today,
There’s lots of marvelous things to eat,
& Wonderful games to play!
Beneath the trees, where nobody sees,
They’ll hide & seek as long as they please -
That’s the way the Teddy Bears have their picnic!
Picnic time for Teddy Bears…
The little Teddy Bears are having a wonderful time today…
Watch them, catch them unawares!
& See them picnic on the holiday!
See them gaily gad about!
They love to play & shout,
They never have any cares!
At six o'clock their mummies and daddies will take them home to bed -
‘Cause they’re tired little Teddy Bears!
If you go down in the woods today, you’d better not go alone!
It’s lovely down in the woods today… but safer to stay at home!
For every bear that ever there was,
Will gather there for certain because,
Today’s the day the Teddy Bears have their picnic!
i have a soft spot for henry hall. most of his compositions make me feel like a kid on top of a hill
i like laying down here & pretending the world is a bubble. of course, this isn’t my bed - it’s a second, reserve chaise longue for when my actual bed feels far too suffocating. when i wake up tomorrow, i’m going to write to someone who i have not talked to in a very long time.
found out about the new tumblr dashboard setup in the most bizarrely cruel way possible. opened it up with my hand instinctively placed over the top right corner so as to kind of jury-rig hiding the note count & inbox from myself. noticing that something is wrong before my brain can really process what it is. first thing i see is a bright notification icon on the left side of my screen revealing all of that to me anyway. oh well.
face forcefully smushed into pillow
People with SzPD may try to avoid all physical activity in order to become nobody and disconnect from reality.
For Kretschmer, the majority of schizoids are not either oversensitive or cold, but they are oversensitive and cold “at the same time” in quite different relative proportions, with a tendency to move along these dimensions from one behavior to the other.[33]
developing habit of leaving the blinds closed until ~4-5pm, even on days when i wake up long before then.
the atmosphere, both visual & otherwise, of light filtering in through curtain fabric… is one i associate exclusively with mornings. insular, quiet, contained. most of all, pleasant! though describing it as ‘safe’ feels distinctly freudian.
so long as the curtains are drawn, & so long as the sun is up, i can pretend that it is a perpetual morning. apart from the slow & painful dulling of light as the sun goes down, there is no visual stimulus for the exact time of day. as long my mind is concerned, time is stopped. both for good & for ill - i have become so bad with keeping track of time that i’ve been continuously preoccupied to the extent of causing a genuine inability to write for the last 3 or so days.
it fulfills a crucial need of mine, which is to be disoriented.
something like
i don’t think mornings, in the way that i’ve described them & in the sense that i’ve associated them with curtain sunlight & stillness & pillow softness, are very Heaven-like at all. but they’re the closest that i’ve ever come to experiencing Heaven in my mind, on earth. (the only Heaven that really matters)
kole — Today at 5:32 PM
for years i’ve had a running theme in my nightmares, sometimes more frequently, sometimes less, about being paralyzed by the very mundane failure of electronics
well, more accurately, paralyzed by a loss of control over my devices. & then that might open up the possibility of seeing some monster or ghoulie during that paralysis, in the dream. with no way to respond to it, obviously.
like a deer in headlights, screaming comes out as a high-pitched exhaling, etc.
[…]
kole — Today at 5:36 PM
i mean stuff where it seems almost like there’s some weird kind of… i don’t know, insubordination involved
a browser might simply refuse to respond to me or a VCR will play high-pitched garbled white noise instead of whatever i put into it.
i continually put off putting thought to paper today but forgot that i had reached the point in my schedule where i get critically exhausted at 10 pm. so my immediate schedule is collapsing into bed & getting to that other thing whenever it proves most convenient. zzzz